Course content – PF23-Deeskalation
The modules of this course – work through them in order.
5. Module 5 · De-escalation: Basic Stance
Calm as the key
Every de-escalation starts with the right inner stance – even before the techniques in Modules 6 and 7. Its most important element is calm: staying composed yourself, especially when a situation is tense or aggressive. Your calm transfers to the other person and lets you act with a clear head. Agitation, panic or irritability transfer too: they provoke and lead to rash action. Staying calm under threat is not easy, because your own stress alarm goes off. But it can be learned – through deliberate self-control and breathing, inner distance (not taking the aggression personally, Module 2) and practice.
Further elements of the basic stance are: understanding the behaviour as an expression of distress instead of condemning the person (Modules 1 and 2); not taking aggression personally, because it is usually an expression of distress or illness and not really aimed at you (Module 2); respect for the person’s dignity, even in conflict; empathy, which means taking the person’s feelings seriously; calm self-confidence that is never threatening or superior; and a visible willingness to help. The verbal and nonverbal techniques build on this stance. Without it, they work much less well.
Learning objectives of this module
- You know the de-escalating basic stance.
- You understand calm as the key.
- You do not take aggression personally.
- You combine calm, understanding, respect and empathy.
Staying calm when things get difficult
Your own calm is the centre of de-escalation – and often the hardest part. In a threatening situation the body raises the alarm: tension, a racing heart, fear or anger, the urge to fight or flee. This alarm pushes you towards a reflex: fighting back (shouting back, defending yourself, confronting), panicking or freezing. These reflexes usually make things worse. Confrontation escalates (Module 4), panic is contagious, and freezing prevents clear action. Deliberate calm means noticing the reflex and controlling it.
Six things help you to do this. Self-control and breathing: notice your stress reaction, breathe slowly and deeply, and tell yourself to stay calm. Inner distance: see the aggression as an expression of distress or illness, not as a personal attack (Module 2) – “this is not about me, this is their distress”. An understanding stance (Modules 1 and 2): if you see the behaviour as a need, you respond with empathy rather than irritation. Knowledge and preparation: knowing how de-escalation works gives you confidence. Experience and practice, including de-escalation training, make calm action easier over time (NICE, 2015). Your own safety (Module 9): knowing about distance, your escape route and how to get help reduces fear – and fear makes calm impossible. Calm is the foundation for every technique and has a calming effect in itself. It is not always easy, but it can be learned and is worth working on deliberately.
De-escalating basic stance
| Element | Meaning |
|---|---|
| Calm | Stay calm/composed yourself (key!) |
| Understanding | Understand behaviour as distress (do not condemn) |
| Not taking it personally | Aggression = expression of distress, not against me |
| Respect & empathy | Respect dignity, take feelings seriously |
Table: Elements of the de-escalating basic stance. Source: own illustration, AI-assisted.
Empathy and safety at the same time
Empathy and safety are sometimes seen as opposites: either you give in with understanding, or you set hard boundaries. In good de-escalation they belong together. Empathy (Modules 1 and 2) lets you understand the behaviour as distress, respond without condemning and so defuse the situation – the person feels understood. Without empathy, confrontation looms. Safety (Module 9) means protecting yourself and others through distance, an escape route and help, and appearing calmly confident rather than fearful. Without safety, there is danger – and fear for yourself makes calm impossible.
In practice, you meet the person with understanding and keep your own safety in view (DGPPN, 2026; NICE, 2015). This avoids two extremes: fearfully giving in without protecting yourself, and coldly confronting without empathy. Two points are important. Empathy does not mean accepting violence. You can understand the behaviour and protect yourself at the same time; if there is a serious threat, safety takes priority and nobody has to put themselves in danger (Module 9). Safety does not mean being cold. You can protect yourself calmly, without confrontation or force. Protecting yourself is allowed; physical defence is lawful only as far as it is necessary to stop a present, unlawful attack (self-defence, section 32 StGB). With people who cannot control their behaviour because of illness, stepping away and getting help come first.
Calm in the storm
Mr M. suddenly becomes very aggressive, shouts and threatens. The care worker feels her own alarm – fear and the urge to resist – but deliberately stays calm. She breathes slowly, recognises the aggression as an expression of his distress and fear rather than a personal attack, and speaks calmly and with understanding. At the same time she keeps her distance and her escape route in view. Her calm transfers to Mr M., she can address what is troubling him, and the situation eases.
The stress reflex takes over. The same situation, but this time the care worker reacts on reflex. She raises her voice (“Stop that right now!”), steps towards Mr M. and points at him. Mr M. feels attacked, shouts louder and knocks a cup off the table. Frightened, the care worker leaves the room and calls a colleague. Nobody has found out what was troubling Mr M.
How to classify it: The stress reaction is natural and not a personal failure. But acting on it – raising the voice, stepping closer, pointing – escalated the situation. Leaving the room and calling for help was the right step once the danger grew. The team should talk through the incident afterwards, practise calming routines and look for the cause of Mr M.’s distress.
| Aspect | Case study: deliberate calm | Version B: stress reflex |
|---|---|---|
| Inner reaction | alarm noticed and controlled | alarm acted on |
| Voice and body | calm voice, distance kept | raised voice, steps closer, points |
| View of the behaviour | expression of distress and fear | personal attack that must be stopped |
| Safety | distance and escape route in view | danger grows, she has to leave |
| Outcome | situation eases, cause can be addressed | escalation, cause unknown |
Table: Comparison of the two versions of the case. Source: own illustration, AI-assisted.
Exercise: Can you stay calm in tense situations, despite your own alarm? Do you avoid taking aggression personally? Do you combine empathy and safety? How could you strengthen your calm – through breathing, inner distance or practice?
Show suggested approach
Take a recent tense situation and go through it in writing: 1. How did you notice your own alarm (heartbeat, heat, tension, the urge to answer back)? 2. What did you do in the first seconds – fight back, freeze, step back or calm down? 3. Was your safety ensured (distance, free exit, help nearby)?
Then put together a short personal calming routine you can use next time, for example: breathe out slowly, take half a step back, lower your voice, say an inner sentence such as “This is their distress, not about me”, and check your exit. Practise it in calm moments so that it is available under stress.
- Calm is the key to de-escalation: it transfers to the other person and lets you act with a clear head.
- The stress alarm is natural; deliberate calm means noticing the reflex and controlling it.
- Inner distance, an understanding stance, knowledge, practice and safety all help you to stay calm.
- Empathy and safety belong together – understanding the person never means accepting violence.
Self-reflection (voluntary)
Voluntary · not assessed – your thoughts are not saved or evaluated. Think about each question first, then open the prompt.
1. How does your body tell you that your own alarm is going off?
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2. Which reflex is most typical for you under stress – fighting back, fleeing or freezing?
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3. Which sentence could help you to keep inner distance in a heated moment?
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4. What do you need from your team so that you can stay calm and safe?
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References for this module
Deutsche Gesellschaft für Psychiatrie und Psychotherapie, Psychosomatik und Nervenheilkunde (DGPPN). (2026). S3-Leitlinie Verhinderung von Zwang: Prävention und Therapie aggressiven Verhaltens bei Erwachsenen [S3 guideline: Avoiding coercion – prevention and treatment of aggressive behaviour in adults] (Version 3.0, AWMF register no. 038-022). https://register.awmf.org/de/leitlinien/detail/038-022
National Institute for Health and Care Excellence. (2015). Violence and aggression: Short-term management in mental health, health and community settings (NICE guideline NG10). https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng10
Strafgesetzbuch (StGB) [German Criminal Code], section 32 Notwehr [self-defence], as in force in October 2026. https://www.gesetze-im-internet.de/stgb/__32.html