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Course content – PFLEGE-16

4. Module 3 · Communication & validation

4.2. Application: validating in everyday situations

Application

Validating in everyday situations

This page shows validation at work in a typical scene, step by step, and gives you phrases to adapt. Use them as a starting point and put them in your own words. Rigid phrases sound false, and people with dementia pick up false notes quickly.

Worked example: Mr Hoffmann and the school run

Return to Mr Hoffmann from the beginning of this module. He says: “Where is my wife? We have to pick up the little ones from school.” Walk through the six steps from Figure 3.3:

  1. Centre yourself. You breathe out, relax your shoulders and walk up from the front.
  2. Listen to the feeling. Behind the words: worry and a sense of duty as a father.
  3. Name it. “You are worried about the children, Mr Hoffmann. You are a caring father.”
  4. Ask gently. “Tell me about them. What are their names?”
  5. Stay close. You sit beside him and listen to the stories, nodding.
  6. Close warmly. “Thank you for telling me. Shall we have a coffee together?”

Compare this with the correcting answer, “Your children are grown up”. Mr Hoffmann would have to meet the surprise of time passing again, and the worry would stay. With validation, the worry is heard, and the conversation may even bring a smile.

Phrases to adapt
SituationYou might say
Looking for a dead partner“You miss her so much. What was she like?”
Refusing help with washing“It feels uncomfortable to be helped. We will go at your pace.”
Angry, accusing“You are very upset. I want to understand what happened.”
Repeating a questionAnswer calmly each time, as if for the first time. Add a gesture or written cue.
Exercise (voluntary self-check). Ms Albrecht (fictitious), 85, says to you each afternoon: “I have to go home. My mother will be waiting.” Yesterday a colleague said: “You are at home, Ms Albrecht.” She became angry and left the room in tears. Write two validating sentences for the next afternoon. Then say what else you would do in the team.
Hint 1
Which feeling do you hear behind “my mother will be waiting”? Start your sentence with that feeling.
Hint 2
After the feeling, add a question that invites a memory, and a gesture of closeness. Then think what the team could change in the afternoon.
Suggested answer
Possible sentences: “You want to be with your mother. You miss her.” and “Tell me about her. What did she cook for you?” Sit down with her at eye level and offer tea. In the team, note that the afternoon is a time of longing, and agree on a calm activity, a familiar song or a call from a relative at this time. Remember that validation does not mean saying that her mother is alive. Check physical needs as well.

When words do not reach

In later stages, speech may be very limited. Then your hands, voice and presence do the work. Use slow, warm touch only if the person welcomes it, watch for signs such as stiffening or turning away, and respect them at once. Humming, a familiar song, a soft towel or a hand on the back can reach where words cannot. Keep the surroundings calm: switch off the television while you talk.

In German practice you will hear …
  • Validation – validation, used in German as in English; “Validation nach Naomi Feil”.
  • Biografiearbeit – life-history work.
  • Orientierung – orientation; “Realitätsorientierungstraining” is the older approach that stresses facts, and many teams now prefer validating methods.
  • Ansprache – how you speak to a person, address and tone.
  • Siezen / Duzen – using the formal or the informal “you”; in care homes, ask residents how they wish to be addressed.
  • Betreuer:in – in law, a legal custodian under section 1814 BGB; in care homes, “Betreuungskraft” is a care assistant.
  • Pflegeplanung – care plan, where good approaches are recorded.